We are back in this beautiful blog that I love so much and today’s post is something different from the ones you will see on the blog, not only because of the cheesy theme, but because for the first time I did not have to consult bibliographic or electronic sources – which I admit to feeling a peculiar and guilty relief. Yes, sometimes the writing is very refreshing, you know, like more spontaneous.
But not so spontaneous because my primary source ended up being the experience of people who gave excellent marriage advice to one of my best friends at her bachelorette party – which for reasons of quarantine ended up being Google Meet.
Although I am still (a few or many) years behind the possibility of “getting married” -as one would say formally-, the pure truth is that I loved the tips that other friends of mine shared, as well as the sisters and friends of the mother-in-law of my friend, who organized it.
“One of these days they will be VERY useful,” I thought. And since I do not allow myself to forget anything that may be useful to me in the future, or that may be of use to my readers, I took out my laptop and let myself go like fat on a slide with these little treasures that can serve you or someone you know who is for getting married, starting your marriage, or having already been married for several years to that special little person you chose to share your snoring, I mean, your life.
These wise words come 100% from the experience of women who are engaged, others who have just married and others who have been married for years. So, if you’ll allow me to brag, let’s just say there was a “cross-section” at this emotional digital send-off.
Say no more: let’s get started!
“There can be respect without love, but there can be no love without respect.”
Phew! Those were just the words of one of the guests and the truth is that it left us all thinking …
She said that when respect is lost in a couple, there is no love. Respect is that little gem that cannot be lost, because when it is lost, everything else begins to fall; little by little, or from one moment to another.
In line with the previous advice, admiration for the other is what leads us to respect them. Another of the guests said that we should think about what it is that we admire about the other, even if they are minimal things, and always keep them well present.
“Remember each and every reason why, in your five senses, you agreed to marry him or her.” –Completed this friend.
I had already heard this same point of view from another friend I met in my first job and also from a psychologist who taught a leadership course in another of my (multiple) jobs … I agree that admiring the other person is one of the things more beautiful than there can be, since it is equivalent to RECOGNIZING the genius, the value and the greatness that there is in the other person. Let’s see, tell me in all sincerity: could there be something better?
And if I vent a bit, I have personally realized that, in my case, this has ended up being the MOST important aspect. I can’t imagine sharing life with someone I don’t admire or see with the eyes of a star: ??
Being able to learn valuable things from the other person that add to your life and make you a better person is something that is simply priceless.
Another of the super tips they gave my friend was to find hobbies, hobbies and things that they like to do as a couple such as cooking, dancing, going for a walk, watching a movie, eating, etc.
One said that she did not like to cook before getting married (any resemblance to reality is a mere coincidence), but that when they cook together, the fact of spending that moment with their partner makes them both enjoy it.
Two of the guests agreed that a sense of humor is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, always fresh and free of bad vibes.
Humor eases the tensions that can be generated in the marriage, giving a fresh and spontaneous touch to the relationship. Where there is humor and you have a good time, you don’t want to go, right?
When there is good humor in a marriage, it is easier to live with the other. Think what it would be like to live with yourself, and if it’s not fun for you, well … it won’t be fun for the other person either.
And now that I remember it, the couples that I admire the most for being together, let’s say that ENOUGH years of marriage, they both have a very good sense of humor; so there will be something valid about this advice ??
Another of the guests, recently married, stressed that the first months of marriage are somewhat difficult because if you had not lived with the other person before, an adaptation process is experienced in which “it is as if two nuts were tightened so that they fit together” and in which one continues to learn from the other person day by day.
“Every day is like opening a new page in a book. Sometimes you like what you see, and sometimes you don’t ”– he pointed out.
More than one of those who attended the farewell recommended to my friend not to put things away and that all aspects that cause her disgust, discomfort or doubt, speak them before they accumulate in her head and “the bomb explodes ” –Even if they are minute details or seem insignificant.
In this sense, one said never take anything for granted: everything should be talked about or asked instead of judging the behavior of the other in the mind. You have to give them the benefit of the word (and not of the doubt), because only then do they know and understand each other better.
As for this advice, I imagine that it must be difficult to talk about how one feels and put ourselves in that vulnerable state, but it is clear to me that keeping it to ourselves and letting them gradually damage the relationship is not the best way either.
In addition, things can be discussed with tact and empathy . I feel like it is still a lot to be assertive and find the right way to say things, right?
«Only where there is a communication bridge, love can flow freely …«
In line with this, the importance of being aware of the other with messages, calls and constant conversations was also mentioned, that is, letting your partner know daily that you are there. Believe it or not, that means a lot.
Another friend gave a tip that I thought was brilliant. It consists of the fact that each member of the couple has their own “love language” of what for him or she are “demonstrations of love” and often these consist of super small details such as a husband helping his wife to clean the house, or have the wife offer words of affirmation to her husband.
Sometimes it is the simplest DETAILS that generate the greatest results in a marriage. The trick – if it can be said in any way – is to know what these actions are that reaffirm your partner’s love for him or her.
Didn’t you love this idea of ??knowing the other’s love language and “speaking” it? Personally, it made me very innovative and successful because sometimes we like to assume that what is love for us, must also be for the other person, and the interesting thing is that this is rarely the case.
Well, this was the one that I – with everything and my super zero experience in this area – gave my dearest childhood friend. It makes me absurd to see cases in which people force themselves to change and sacrifice what they liked to do when they hunt with their fiancé (e). It doesn’t have to be this way!
Giving up what you are and what you love, is it love? Well, not if you are one of those who, like me, thinks that a couple should add and not subtract.
I don’t know where I got it from or how it came to me but I ended up saying something like:
“It is not about being his other half, you are already the WHOLE orange and he is a strawberry, and the two, like fruits, get along very well.”
I don’t really know if anyone present understood what I tried to say (or if it just sounded like a fruity explosion) but what I wanted to make you understand is that the two must be complete and always add to each other.
“Do more of what makes each of you happy and let each other be” -that was how I concluded my special advice, but not before making it clear that she is always herself because that is what makes her special (you know I love all this authenticity and uniqueness).
Another tip from this meeting that should be brought out is that it often happens that the fast pace of life that we live and the competitive work environment that characterizes today, have made couples neglect the time they used to spend together . For this reason, it is important to formally establish one time a week to be together as a couple.
This period of time must be literally scheduled on the calendar, because if it is not like that, why do we do it, it is forgotten!
And we close this empirical compilation of matrimonial advice with a piece of advice – no less important – that I found very nice:
“Besides being a couple, be friends, because friends last forever.”
I think this tip is cute enough to try and supplement it with more words, don’t you think?